Yeah there is a reason..but no excuse

Hey I've got it rough....... can't ya see!? Last month the Lord showed me something that saddened me. I was behaving like I was entitled to loose my temper, even throw things in frustration LIKE A CHILD!!! Sometimes when I can't do something simple, that usually requires 2 hands , I ocassionally pitch a fit. Like opening something. When all my various tricks don't work, I AM MAD !! I'M ENTITLED TO BE MAD!!!!!! Who dare s to tell me I'm not! My heavenly Papa does.
ooops, she said sheepishly.........
I've been befriending a person who has suffered terribly, real abuse. In sharing with her it seemed sometimes she would just bleep out the things I said to her that she didn't like, things like what HER responsibilities as a adult are now as a Christian, things such as anger.... She would talk "over" me and change the subject, I really couldn't put my finger on what it was, until God showed the same tendency in me. The expression was different but the root was the same. Having suffered does not ENTITLE anyone to bad behavior, emotional sin, anger , the unbridled kind.
Yeah there are reasons , very good reasons why you would have this tendency, but if you are a child of God there is no excuse. Jesus suffered, He didn't have to, he led the way to forgiveness , even hanging on the cross, even while the taunts were ringing in the air! If He's in you , you can "tap in" to that, but you will have to surrender your "right" to be angry,etc. It is a decision, moment by moment, everyday.

Looking through the wounds and surrendering

"Looking thru the glass darkly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I am known." 1 Cor 13:12
To be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace." Romans 8:6
When life chews you up and spits you out, when wounds of sorrow are to your very core, its next impossible to "see" clearly with your "naked eyes".

Looking around me, looking at my life, (which having to much time on your hands can FORCE you to do)........ I see a train wreck. Oh there were survivors , no physical "deaths" but I feel like I died just the same. Left with the pieces of my shattered life, that once was full, with the possibilities endless, I am FORCED to my knees, to plead with the Father, lover of my soul, to show me what is the reason for my life now. The people around me , wounded too, have to search their depths for answers , I can't help them. Shattered dreams lie at my husbands feet, I can't help him, all I can do is pray.

I was reading David Wilkerson devotional and he said "I can scarcely take it in when I read these words, "And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one" (John 17:22). THIS IS GODS GLORY?? I'm seeing thru the glass poorly for sure.
This is where the "carnal mind" and the "spirit mind" collide . I must decide in what realm I am going to exist..... to wallow or to believe. Just believe, that against all evidence in the natural, everything that screams "your life is over" , just believe God's got a plan, a glorious plan!! and it is going to unfold IF I WALK IN FAITH.

With every different season , I am reminded of what I used to do.... I don't go looking for , it just smack s me in the face one day out of the blue, the facts are irrefutable if your looking in the natural realm, I WANT, I NEED TO GET OUT THAT REALM!!!
Surrender, surrender, surrender,........ surrender everything, the horse, the guitar, the singing, the running, playing soccer, kickboxing, walking normal, hiking with my husband, playing catch with Myles, WALKING IN BARE FEET, etc....... surrender. Look through Jesus eyes, look at whats really important, surrender the "things" and just believe. To be SPIRITUALLY MINDED IS LIFE AND PEACE.

Reckless Abandon!!

Since getting "stroked" I have feared many things, as small a thing as falling or big things like getting "stroked" again. If you listen to our enemy as though he's able to speak the truth then YOU will be afraid with good reason. Job said in 3:25 "FOR THE THING I HAVE FEARED HAS COME UPON ME, WHAT I HAVE DREADED HAS HAPPENED TO ME" . We need to exercise the muscle called FAITH, it must be tested, proven, refined! If what God gave us through His Son is truly incorruptible, then we have nothing to fear! Even if bad things happen ,God can bring beauty from ashes .

I'm really not sure when I realized my fears were based on satan 's lies and his whispers , as my brain came back "on line" , I had lost so much of my cognitive ability, spelling , math, ( ok there wasn't alot to lose there) ability to read... I remembered my faith and what it was based on, THE HOLY WRITTEN WORD OF GOD!! So I had cd's with the bible on it and until I could read again I listened to them. OOHHHH what a joy to hear Mr. Scourby speak the Word of God, sometimes I would just start the cd and start to cry.......... "I'm coming back Lord" I would say in my mind because I couldn't speak very well. NOW I know, what I knew before, satan is liar!

Lately Gods been speaking to me about the in-dwelling Christ, God in us, His fullness is in Christ and Christ is in me..... that's what the Word says, that's huge. God makes His home in us that believe, thats why "Church" happens whenever 2 or more gather. Exceedingly , abundantly more than we ask or THINK , according to the power that WORKS IN US!! Now if that doesn't incite "reckless abandon"nothing will. .....according to the eternal purposes which He accomplished in Christ Jesus our Lord, in whom we have BOLDNESS and access WITH CONFIDENCE through FAITH IN HIM!!! Spirit of Worship rises up in me...............

The Holy Keep

The storehouse of the Lord. Where is it located? It's in our hearts waiting to be tapped into.

"That Christ may dwell in our hearts by FAITH" Ephesians 3:17 "That you being ROOTED and Grounded in love, may be able to comprehend..... the depth, width, height,length...." of the fullness of God, His storehouse ....the "Holy Keep"

In Malachi the Lord says, that in order to see the blessing the people had to turn their heart BACK to HIM. He uses tithing as analogy , to bring into the storehouse what they should have been giving all along. The tithe is the HEART! He want their hearts!! " NOT THEIR CASH! He wants every corner of our heart, even the dark corners, because once He's inside the corners are full of light!! RETURN TO ME" and I will return unto you.
Malachi 3:10 says "prove Me now herewith.... if I will not open to you the windows of heaven, and POUR you out a blessing that shall not be ROOM ENOUGH TO RECEIVE IT"!!
Ephesians 3:19,20 "now to Him that is able to do exceedingly ABUNDANTLY ABOVE all that we ask or THINK".......

The blessing of the Lord His storehouse, His fullness, is accessed by grace, obedience,by turning to Him with your whole heart. All these things are fueled by FAITH.

Wikipedia describes the keep " A keep is a strong central tower which is used as a fortress. Often, the keep is the most defended area of a castle, and as such may form the main habitation area, or contain important stores such as the armoury, food, and the main water well, which would ensure survival during a siege."""" Even that is only the "fullness of God" in part.
It "passes knowledge" Eph 3:19 "able to do exceedingly , abundantly, above, all that we ask or think!!"
Jeremiah17:8 The man who's trust/faith is in the Lord he is "like a tree planted by the waters , and spreadeth out her roots by the river and shall not suffer when the heat comes, but her leaf shall be green and not suffer in the year of drought nor cease from yielding fruit." When your plugged into the Lord BY FAITH your access storehouse the Holy Keep is unlimited.
Faith, Faith , Faith!!! Fear, doubt, limit your access to God's Holy Keep.

I've been away, from my journal/blog, because I was waylaid by my kidney rupturing in Dec-Jan for 5 days. The recovery was slow, really slow. This seemed to be the culmination of 4 months of UC, which I'm determined to heal through the blessings of God and HIS grace alone. NO DRUGS!
BUT now its SPRING!! The trees are budding, the flowers blooming and it time for the garden to be planted.

All Alone

After we lost our daughter Caitlin, a couple of things I could never resolve. The fact that Caitlin died alone really ripped me apart. When your kids are sick , naturally you want to be there for them, hold their hand when its really bad. Well Caitlin got trapped under her mattress in a crib at someone house we were at, and she died under that mattress, I was in the other room, ignorant of her struggle. God allowed this to happen this way. He knew He was going to show me something of HIS heart, what HE endured for OUR sake. He cried with us , carried us through that time.
Well Gods brought closure to these that have plagued me all these years.
God showed me HE could relate to my suffering.
God turned His back on Jesus while He was dying, when Jesus needed Him the most, He had become sin so His Father couldn't look at Him or be with Him in His death! Jesus died alone, trusting the Father that He would be on the other side of the cross.
Imagine turning your back on your only child, your Son who never did anything that displeased you. Having to abandon your child when He's suffering so, calling out to you!!
Why did God allow this to happen to our child and us? With the choice that always presented to us , in any "event" that's painful, we could be bitter or choose to trust God. 20 + years later this is what He has shown me about Caitlin's dying alone.
I call it "sipping the cup " of suffering, partaking of the cup of suffering , so we can share with God and His Son what HE did for us. Get a glimpse of His love toward us, and Jesus's sacrifice.
Taste what the Father tasted! We went through this , not willingly. GOD WAS WILLINGLY SACRIFICING HIS SON THAT WE COULD HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM!!! It was the only way, the only way the" veil could be torn,"Luke 23:45, Hebrews 10: 19-20, that separated us from the most Holy God!!

Things happen in this life that we are not able to understand, bad things, but if we give them over to the Father , if we lay them at the altar and not allow bitterness to take root, then someway, someday God will show you how, " All things work together for good ,to those who love God, and are called according to HIS purpose" Romans 8:28

God knew someday, I would be undone by the knowledge of GOD'S suffering, that it would pierce my heart in such a way that my love would forever sealed in Gods heart.

God's raising an army, an army who KNOW their God and who are KNOWN by Him. To KNOW the heart of God you have to be willing to "SIP FROM THE CUP". Not run from the cup, but trust the Lord to see you through to the other side, as Jesus did at the cross. Romans 5 :3-4

Taking the Offensive!

Maybe its because I was a rebellious child growing up this come natural . Now that I'm on the right side of "the law" so to speak, this "rebellion" still comes in handy, but it displays it self in constructive ways. I'm not crawling out the windows at night anymore. Now it is more like "taking the offensive" against anything and everything that stands in my way of a goal. Following God more closely or doing something that my body say "no, you can't do that!"" O yeah...... watch me"

Michael and I were going out to dinner, like we do every Friday night, and I was meeting him in town. There no parking so I had to park a long way from the office. I called Michael and he said he's be there in "5". " SUUURRRE" There was a "pot holed" parking lot, a street with a big curb, and " hill" to maneuver. Imagine these being my "obstacles"!! But everything is relative. I was so mad that something as mundane as a curb, pot holes ,and hill would dictate my going in to the office on my own. I said to myself, " I can do this" 15 mins later I did. Gods grace.

In the matter of following after God there is a plethora of ways to take the offensive, thereby pleasing God. Forgiving a an offense, when someone has wrong you, send them flowers. Go the "extra mile" when doing a favor. Something as simple as going in to a prayer time when your not "feeling" inspired. I have found that whenever you take one step , God takes 100.
In this age of " VICTIM HOOD" people get in habit of going on the defensive, every where you turn you can see it..........
Imagine if the Church would go on the OFFENSIVE.... mmmmmm I don't think we would be where we are in America today, but that another topic, related but, nonetheless for another day.