People who have not had the thrill of hearing my complaints, ask me "What hurts?" How much time do you have? Do you need visuals? When my right butt blew out the first time I was sure childbirth had met its match. An inch deep wound 9 inches long peeled off my body. Then wounds appeared on the rest of my body , when the first wound healed it blew out again. Needless to say my career as a lingere model came to a abrupt end. I felt akin to Job, almost. My children are still with me....Glory to GOD!!!
Then two toes had to be amputated because they went black , circulation issues. Problems caused by the employees in the hospital. I knew I should have stayed home.( there goes my second job as a foot model) That was 10 weeks or so ago and they finally are almost healed. I was on a pain patch for 3 weeks but I didn't like that at all, so I took it off and it took about 2 weeks to get out of my system. I didn't sleep while it was leaving . I have a finger that is slowly amputating itself, barbaric , I think. Caused by another hospital mistake!!!!!!!!!!! Painful to be sure as the nerves die off a little at a time.
Then there is the scar tissue in my sleeping right arm. This only hurt when I lay down. There are various aches and pains that keep life from getting boring but you know what hurts most?
My heart. Feeling like I am walking through a bad dream , and not being able to hear my Lord. He hasn't left me this I am sure of, but I need to hear His voice!!! Isaiah 50 :10 says it all.
2 comments:
My sweet Barb,
My prayer is that the Lord would make his voice so clear to you and soon! That he would speak a word or two that you can cling to. Or a word that will just cheer your day. I see his light in you, as it says in the verse you mentioned,You DO fear him and you DO obey him, so when you have no light of your own, he IS your light... Verse 11 warns us not to light our own lamps, which you have obeyed. I think God has been glorified through how you have walked just clinging to his light. It shows through your smile, your non-self-focus, your empathy for other others who are in pain or chronically sick. You are amazing in Him!! You are an encouragement to others without even knowing it.
Sunny
Rachel:
I came across Mrs. Tocci's blog by accident (checking her old email account). Thank you for your encouraging note. Love, Mr. Tocci
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