Pruning

"Every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit"
" Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise."
As I read Job and all he endured, when you listen to his complaints he is questioning God's care, and love for him. That's only natural, the poor guy , after all he was minding his own business and BAM!!! Sounds familar to me.... God was interested in making a good guy even better. He was obviously one of Gods favorites, remember He said to the snake, " what about my servant Job," eh,, eh"" He's quite a guy eh?" paraphrased a little bit.
God was about to allow the enemy access to Job, " Only spare his life" Thanks..... God knew the beginning from the end , He knew Job was going to go , maybe kicking and screaming, to another level of understanding of God. He was gonna get pruned so he could bear more fruit. So it really backfired on ol Satan.
So I see now its not about our comfort, but its about being made into the image and likeness of God.

"Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has a great reward"

"Daddy's favorite"

About 2 years ago, just before this " thing" started, I had the nerve to say to God " I really want to be one of your favorites" I didn't think about it much, although I repeated it a few times. So just about a week ago I was contemplating on Job,( he was one of Gods favorites) and God reminded me of the prayer I prayed..... What was I thinking????
I remember my father, I always felt like his favorite, he played with me when he got home from work, pushing me on the swing, or giving me a " horseback " ride on his back, crawling on all fours, rearing up so I would cling to him for all I was worth. I loved it, I loved him. I really felt his love for me , thats what I wanted from my heavenly Father.
You may think , He's got a funny way of showing His love.... stay tuned....

Okay, I did it!

You ever have something that your mind tells you ," you can't do that". I have a lot of that now since the stroke. This is how I deal with it. " O Yeah??? watch me." A couple of times its been a little hairy, but usually I have found the biggest hurdle is in my mind.
The other evening I wanted to go to the back pasture and feed some apples to the horses.
My mind said " you can't do that, its to far and the grass is to long." (Thats pretty bad when blades of GRASS get to be a formidable obstacle!) "What if you fall how will you get up" I can get up if there is something near enough to hang on to. There nothing between the house and the barn. So I had Sam walk with me just in case. But I went.
Same with driving, " you can't do that!!" " O yeah? " The left foot still works, so while I am waiting for the right to come on line, why not use the left. So now I drove to take Sam to college classes this morning, and then I went to the Chiropractor, and then to the salon. Next thing is the grocery store! " Mind , sit down and shut up!!

What is a friend....

A friend is someone that stick by you through thick and thin. I see now that people I thought were friends, just don't have the staying power . I thought because I was there when they needed someone they would be there for me...
In the beginning we had people rally around, bringing meals ... it was a god send, but now that I can see to dinners myself, everyone disappeared. Ladies.. the hard work is done......

What a lesson for me to remember , it doesn't take much a call, a email, to let a person know your thinking of them.
I understand they all have lives, families and houses to clean.....but the Body of Christ really is nowhere to be found........
This is suppose is my own fault.... I have a reputation for being STRONG!!!!!
What else do I have a reputation for? that people don't want to be around me? I asked God to not let me go back to what I was, to peel away all the dross.
So I am strong huh???
News flash..... this is bigger than me!! Somedays I hang by a thread to my faith, somedays the thread breaks.
God is reducing me .... It ain't pretty.

Arm wrestling

Just like an Isrealite...I am afraid. So afraid that my arm will always be hanging at my side, that I will never play my guitar again. I afraid I will never do the Virginia Reel again, (its not any fun unless you can take a firm grip and swing). Well today I was in church today and I discovered could raise my arm at the elbow, something I could not do before. Thats huge!!! Your healing me, I said to God.
But what about next week , when am assailed by doubts, can't do something , and I am frustrated. The Isrealites faced obstacle after obstacle, and each time they doubted their deliverence. They forgot how God had just, yesterday, fed them, and found water for them, drown the whole army of Egyptians to set them free by parting the SEA!!!
God does not take pleasure in the horse or the legs of man, but those who fear Him and who trust in His mercy!!

TRUST!!

When all else fails ... use your teeth!

Life with one hand.
Ever try and butter a bagel with out the other hand holding it?? You can almost do it with the bagel on a towel, so does'nt slide around to much, almost.
Opening things.....
Zippers, plastic storage bags, bagels in the big long plastic bags, just to name a few. Paper plates wrapped up in plastic, chips,(any kind), just to name a few more. Classy , opening thing s with one's teeth. So refined! I guess what it boils down to is I don't want to ask for help every time I turn around. So you gotta do what you have to do. WARNING!! Try it only in the privacy of your own home.
There is also the knee hold. Mayo, bottles of soda, lotion, (that can only be applied to your right arm, since the gumby trick does'nt work) you name it, my favorite thing is opening thing that have been refrigerated, when I am wearing shorts .

Your humming along,, and BAM!!!!

There I was just humming along, for the most part minding my own business, and BAM!!!!
Life changes in a second, one minute your walking and talking, the next day you can't do either. How can I explain it, how can I make you ,the reader, all three of you, see what this is like. I used to throw a ball from third base like a rocket, now I can't even move my fingers!! this is a cruel joke some one played on me. God???

Do I sound like I am complaining ? Maybe I am.... but mostly want you, the three readers, to understand how fast life can change, AND what this has done to change my life. Well first of I have a new mission in life, I want to minister to people who have had....heart attacks???? no, broken backs???? no wrong again,,,,,, strokes, yeah people who have had strokes!!!! SURPRISE ! I want to, with Gods help, reach into that lonely, broken place, and pull as many people out of that " hell" as I can. I want to be there to cheer them on, pick them up when they need it, and listen to them cry or laugh, usually at inappropriate times, and do it with them!!!! Try and show them what a LOT of hard work will do, and show them its worth it in order to get your life back. To push the limits of everything!!! Try everything!!!!
How my life has changed.....
I made dinner now twice. First time I needed help with opening the cans for tuna pasta salad, but next time I made the meatloaf all alone. I cook pancakes, sometimes with shells for added protein or roughage, and I have ventured into grilled cheese some. This has been a real personal victory, for someone who likes to cook, I want everyone to revel in it with me, dinner that I cook, all two of them are to be savored and enjoyed, I ask everyone to stare at the meal for a few minutes before we start.
I am venturing to talk on the phone now. How life has changed. I have dreaded talking on the phone!!!
I can shower alone, not Michael MINDED, not all ,but for my sake he is glad to see me graduate.
I am only on two meds. now, and it will be done to one in a couple of weeks.
I can walk in the driveway now!!! The rocks used to throw me off balance.
I am able to do the laundry now, I've been at it for a couple of months.
I am not in much pain now, only once in a while my arm hurts.
A million more things have changed since the stroke, things I now can do and things I can't do YET, the next big hurdle is driving, this has been one of the hardest things , I hate being trapped...... stay tuned that's gonna soon change.