When God was addressing Adam about eating the forbidden fruit from the tree, he said, "The woman you gave to be with me, SHE gave me of the tree and I ate" I always thought that Adam was passing the proverbial buck... she made me.... but the other day I was listening to a preacher on the radio, and as always he was talking about Adam " taking ownership of his sin. "That he should not blame the "weaker" sex for HIS decision. God stopped me in my tracks and said, " he's not blaming Eve, he's blaming ME! " It never dawned on me, nor had I ever heard someone say that Adam was indeed blaming the Lord God, the creator of heaven and earth, what nerve right? I would exit stage right OR left if I was Eve. Adam is going to get smoked, right?
Well a few days later, I was thinking on the fact that Adam showed his ignorance of God , and who He is, by blaming Him, when the Lord very gently said, "you blamed me for the stroke." Your right God I did. "Read Job" He said. That was the end of our conversation. God confirmed that satan hoped I would by crushed in body, soul and spirit, he took a gamble. I'm not, by HIS GRACE .
He lost.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Sunday, January 4, 2009
"REHAB"
When I was in "rehab" for the week after the stroke, I really didn't want to be there but I didn't know why. There was definitely something missing but I didn't know what. As I sat there in my wheel chair , IN THE HALL!! they wouldn't let the "inmates" stay in their rooms, I really felt so lost, sad and alone. I felt like I was trapped in a nightmare!
When Michael came that all changed. MMMMM, Michael represented my loved ones, people who CARED! Starting to piece it together I realized in want OUT!!! That's all I thought about was getting out!! Get me out!!
Night time was the worst. they seldom turned the light off out in the hall. I would lay there hoping the light would go off, listening to noises in the hall. Sometimes an "inmate" would yell and scream, sounded like someone was torturing her or him, even worse when a man yelled.
They wouldn't let me have regular liquids, afraid I might choke. They didn't know the I had already had a donut and coffee in the hospital! Wake up and " smell the coffee people" I can do this.
When Michael asked me the 3rd day I was there if I wanted to go, I nodded my head " yes" and cried. I was torture being with strangers and not being able to talk. I couldn't do much in the way of rehabilitation, I was to weak. All I wanted to do was sleep and leave, not in that order.
They tried to have me do flash cards to jog my memory, they really just made my feel stupid, so stupid that I couldn't do simple math. I was never a whiz at math but 2+3 was never a problem.... it was then. It would have been okay if Michael was asking me what 2+3 was, but not a stranger that I knew was just doing "her job". There was a couple of therapist who really cared, its funny how even though your mind is " blank" for lack of a better word, my ability read people was not hindered.
We planned my escape. 2 days, that was all, I could hang on till then. Then my children came to see me..... that's it.... I know where I belong, AT HOME!
So home I went, against " medical advice" It was medical advice that caused the stroke, the loss of 2 toes, my finger tip, and the wounds all over my body. " I think we'll take it from here, thank you very much"
It was like getting lint off a sweater that's fresh from the dryer, if you don't get FAR away, they won't leave you alone.
God assembled a team of specialist, massage therapist, who also does cranial sacral therapy, and is a dear friend, Feldenchris, one of the most gifted practitioners in the US, a friend too, a couple of PT people, also friends. A reflexologist who has been able to target thing that are ailing me and treat them. Like my eyes, sometimes they get so heavy, she can fix that! She is also a friend!
I had a friend who was a chiropractor, boy did I need him, he worked on me for nothing, what a blessing. Most every one did, they just cared about me, so they came. Love , pure love.
I had access to at hyperbaric chamber, a very kind family shared theirs with me, and now have one at home thanks to Michael s brothers and sisters! I read every book that I could get my hands one , ( after I could read again, 6 months later ) and found what worked for others, I've tried everything but stem cell injections, thank I'll pass. Rehab Gods way.
Now I am helping Myles do math, by the time the need for Algebra comes along, ( in the perfect world there would be no need for Algebra) I will have him tutored like all the other boys!
When Michael came that all changed. MMMMM, Michael represented my loved ones, people who CARED! Starting to piece it together I realized in want OUT!!! That's all I thought about was getting out!! Get me out!!
Night time was the worst. they seldom turned the light off out in the hall. I would lay there hoping the light would go off, listening to noises in the hall. Sometimes an "inmate" would yell and scream, sounded like someone was torturing her or him, even worse when a man yelled.
They wouldn't let me have regular liquids, afraid I might choke. They didn't know the I had already had a donut and coffee in the hospital! Wake up and " smell the coffee people" I can do this.
When Michael asked me the 3rd day I was there if I wanted to go, I nodded my head " yes" and cried. I was torture being with strangers and not being able to talk. I couldn't do much in the way of rehabilitation, I was to weak. All I wanted to do was sleep and leave, not in that order.
They tried to have me do flash cards to jog my memory, they really just made my feel stupid, so stupid that I couldn't do simple math. I was never a whiz at math but 2+3 was never a problem.... it was then. It would have been okay if Michael was asking me what 2+3 was, but not a stranger that I knew was just doing "her job". There was a couple of therapist who really cared, its funny how even though your mind is " blank" for lack of a better word, my ability read people was not hindered.
We planned my escape. 2 days, that was all, I could hang on till then. Then my children came to see me..... that's it.... I know where I belong, AT HOME!
So home I went, against " medical advice" It was medical advice that caused the stroke, the loss of 2 toes, my finger tip, and the wounds all over my body. " I think we'll take it from here, thank you very much"
It was like getting lint off a sweater that's fresh from the dryer, if you don't get FAR away, they won't leave you alone.
God assembled a team of specialist, massage therapist, who also does cranial sacral therapy, and is a dear friend, Feldenchris, one of the most gifted practitioners in the US, a friend too, a couple of PT people, also friends. A reflexologist who has been able to target thing that are ailing me and treat them. Like my eyes, sometimes they get so heavy, she can fix that! She is also a friend!
I had a friend who was a chiropractor, boy did I need him, he worked on me for nothing, what a blessing. Most every one did, they just cared about me, so they came. Love , pure love.
I had access to at hyperbaric chamber, a very kind family shared theirs with me, and now have one at home thanks to Michael s brothers and sisters! I read every book that I could get my hands one , ( after I could read again, 6 months later ) and found what worked for others, I've tried everything but stem cell injections, thank I'll pass. Rehab Gods way.
Now I am helping Myles do math, by the time the need for Algebra comes along, ( in the perfect world there would be no need for Algebra) I will have him tutored like all the other boys!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Yup, new every morning....
Well someones been prayin....
Yesterday it was like a cloud lifted, hope settled in and it wrapped me in its ever-loving arms and held me tight. I'm still there today.
"O Lord correct me, but with justice, Not in anger, lest You bring me to nothing" You did.
Thank you.
Yesterday it was like a cloud lifted, hope settled in and it wrapped me in its ever-loving arms and held me tight. I'm still there today.
"O Lord correct me, but with justice, Not in anger, lest You bring me to nothing" You did.
Thank you.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Sipping the cup....
Jesus said" if it your will take this cup away from me; nevertheless not My will, but yours, be done.
Well he drank , the whole cup. That was Gods will. He confirmed again His submission," permit this" when his disciples cut one of servant ears off when they came to take him. Not anyone took note that he just healed the guy. Were they focused or what. Rabid I call it.
He who abides in Him ought to himself also to walk just as He walked. 1 John 1:6
God asks us to drink from the cup of suffering, to share in Christs lot. Me,me pick me, we say, right? Not quite. Maybe if I keep a low profile, you know not make waves, He'll pass me by. OR maybe if I pray everyday, GO TO CHURCH, tithe, 15% , that'll keep Him off my scent. Its funny, when we want something from God, we do the same things, GOING TO CHURCH, tithe, pray. mmmmm?
Well lately I feel like I've sipped from the "cup". Not a big drink compared to Christ, but a sip.
I thought it would bear fruit, it should right? But I find myself getting really ticked off at the different situations I find myself in. Gods put a lot of thing in my lap that would humble most people, being stripped of everything should make appreciate things that you given back, not me, it just has made me want more!!!!! Ingrate!!! True confessions. If I was Jesus standing next to the guy with the ear that just got lopped off, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't lay hands on him to heal him! When I look around, or hear of others trials thats enough to bring me to my knees in repentance, but its not long before I find myself at it again.. grumbling ! I've really felt this the last three weeks or so. Before I could just take a deep breath when my " sleeping arm" knocked something over, or when I couldn't open a jar with my usual tricks. Why now? when I have come so far should I lose hope? lose patience? Maybe this is just a phase, I've find myself crying again, like today I went out to see my horse and I unexpectedly started wailing. Good thing I was alone! Maybe its more grieving, I thought that was over....
Well he drank , the whole cup. That was Gods will. He confirmed again His submission," permit this" when his disciples cut one of servant ears off when they came to take him. Not anyone took note that he just healed the guy. Were they focused or what. Rabid I call it.
He who abides in Him ought to himself also to walk just as He walked. 1 John 1:6
God asks us to drink from the cup of suffering, to share in Christs lot. Me,me pick me, we say, right? Not quite. Maybe if I keep a low profile, you know not make waves, He'll pass me by. OR maybe if I pray everyday, GO TO CHURCH, tithe, 15% , that'll keep Him off my scent. Its funny, when we want something from God, we do the same things, GOING TO CHURCH, tithe, pray. mmmmm?
Well lately I feel like I've sipped from the "cup". Not a big drink compared to Christ, but a sip.
I thought it would bear fruit, it should right? But I find myself getting really ticked off at the different situations I find myself in. Gods put a lot of thing in my lap that would humble most people, being stripped of everything should make appreciate things that you given back, not me, it just has made me want more!!!!! Ingrate!!! True confessions. If I was Jesus standing next to the guy with the ear that just got lopped off, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't lay hands on him to heal him! When I look around, or hear of others trials thats enough to bring me to my knees in repentance, but its not long before I find myself at it again.. grumbling ! I've really felt this the last three weeks or so. Before I could just take a deep breath when my " sleeping arm" knocked something over, or when I couldn't open a jar with my usual tricks. Why now? when I have come so far should I lose hope? lose patience? Maybe this is just a phase, I've find myself crying again, like today I went out to see my horse and I unexpectedly started wailing. Good thing I was alone! Maybe its more grieving, I thought that was over....
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Getting my life back,, slowly
There are milestones in this year that mark for me evidence that I am getting my life back, the stages that are measured by changes in routine, abilities, or capabilities. When I first came home, I couldn't talk but a few words , nor could I spell!!! Which made is so hard, like explaining to Sam what I wanted was a BROWNIE!!!! After charade like game he could get the picture, almost anything he could guess. I couldn't walk, at all so I couldn't go to the kitchen and point out what it was that I wanted. Now I can say anything , there are some words like " Williamsburg" I had to practice for a couple hours, but I eventually got it, its retraining your mind and mouth not to mention the tongue , to work together.
My world was the bedroom and that's all. I was stuck going on to the bathroom on a " porta potty" in my room. Talk about humbling!!!
I was dizzy constantly, I used to pray 'God I will settle for not being able to walk if just you will take away the dizziness" That's how bad it was. Last month the dizziness left, just like that!
We used to take the wheelchair everywhere, but its gone now. I started walking around the house with a walker, then a 4 prong walker, then a cane, after Upledger, I could walk around the house without even a cane. I remember that when I got to walk to the bathroom, AT NIGHT , IN MY BARE FEET , NOW , " THIS IS PROGRESS!!! Walking in my bare feet is still hard but, at least now my toes relax and don't curl up and make it nearly impossible to take a step!
I still need a cane outside, for balance..... I can even walk to the barn now without a cane, but it takes to long!
The biggest thing is driving, now that a milestone! I tried about 2 months ago, I was sadly disappointed, I didn't have a enough control of my right foot to do the gas evenly, and switch to the brake fast enough. After trying a couple of times I realized it was a no go. Wait! Who says I have to use my right foot? The left will do the job , just as easily. So a week later I tried it. It took some practice, like everything else.... but the important thing was.... I WAS DRIVING!!!! I drove the first time with Michael, crying the whole time, it had been 9 months since I drove. I was free!!!! No more waiting for Michael to take me shopping or any where else for that matter.
AAHHH the simple joys!
The only thing that's still not progressing to the point of being useful is my hand and arm, but I'm not losing hope.
Looking back I see how far I've come, its been almost a year, I'm just grateful for what I have, and look forward to seeing the progress I will see in the next year.
My world was the bedroom and that's all. I was stuck going on to the bathroom on a " porta potty" in my room. Talk about humbling!!!
I was dizzy constantly, I used to pray 'God I will settle for not being able to walk if just you will take away the dizziness" That's how bad it was. Last month the dizziness left, just like that!
We used to take the wheelchair everywhere, but its gone now. I started walking around the house with a walker, then a 4 prong walker, then a cane, after Upledger, I could walk around the house without even a cane. I remember that when I got to walk to the bathroom, AT NIGHT , IN MY BARE FEET , NOW , " THIS IS PROGRESS!!! Walking in my bare feet is still hard but, at least now my toes relax and don't curl up and make it nearly impossible to take a step!
I still need a cane outside, for balance..... I can even walk to the barn now without a cane, but it takes to long!
The biggest thing is driving, now that a milestone! I tried about 2 months ago, I was sadly disappointed, I didn't have a enough control of my right foot to do the gas evenly, and switch to the brake fast enough. After trying a couple of times I realized it was a no go. Wait! Who says I have to use my right foot? The left will do the job , just as easily. So a week later I tried it. It took some practice, like everything else.... but the important thing was.... I WAS DRIVING!!!! I drove the first time with Michael, crying the whole time, it had been 9 months since I drove. I was free!!!! No more waiting for Michael to take me shopping or any where else for that matter.
AAHHH the simple joys!
The only thing that's still not progressing to the point of being useful is my hand and arm, but I'm not losing hope.
Looking back I see how far I've come, its been almost a year, I'm just grateful for what I have, and look forward to seeing the progress I will see in the next year.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Shrinking Violet???
Since when did I stop and think so much about going out in public. The other day I sat outside of Food Lion to work up my courage to go in. I couldn't do it, so I left. I went to the Legion Hall where Michael was working and I waited for him to finish and we went shopping together.
Sometimes I have a hard time facing the stares, like I am a freak of nature. I really love it when people talk loud at me, as thou because I walk funny, and have bum arm, they assume I must be deaf too!!!
If I'm unlucky enough to have to speak..... well that's a whole added humiliation
Its everywhere I go , its constant, and I'm weary of it.
God I hope , I pray, that I learn the lessons you have for me, if I please YOU then the weight is bearable . Don't let me go back to what,or who I was.
Sometimes I have a hard time facing the stares, like I am a freak of nature. I really love it when people talk loud at me, as thou because I walk funny, and have bum arm, they assume I must be deaf too!!!
If I'm unlucky enough to have to speak..... well that's a whole added humiliation
Its everywhere I go , its constant, and I'm weary of it.
God I hope , I pray, that I learn the lessons you have for me, if I please YOU then the weight is bearable . Don't let me go back to what,or who I was.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Pruning
"Every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit"
" Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise."
As I read Job and all he endured, when you listen to his complaints he is questioning God's care, and love for him. That's only natural, the poor guy , after all he was minding his own business and BAM!!! Sounds familar to me.... God was interested in making a good guy even better. He was obviously one of Gods favorites, remember He said to the snake, " what about my servant Job," eh,, eh"" He's quite a guy eh?" paraphrased a little bit.
God was about to allow the enemy access to Job, " Only spare his life" Thanks..... God knew the beginning from the end , He knew Job was going to go , maybe kicking and screaming, to another level of understanding of God. He was gonna get pruned so he could bear more fruit. So it really backfired on ol Satan.
So I see now its not about our comfort, but its about being made into the image and likeness of God.
"Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has a great reward"
" Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise."
As I read Job and all he endured, when you listen to his complaints he is questioning God's care, and love for him. That's only natural, the poor guy , after all he was minding his own business and BAM!!! Sounds familar to me.... God was interested in making a good guy even better. He was obviously one of Gods favorites, remember He said to the snake, " what about my servant Job," eh,, eh"" He's quite a guy eh?" paraphrased a little bit.
God was about to allow the enemy access to Job, " Only spare his life" Thanks..... God knew the beginning from the end , He knew Job was going to go , maybe kicking and screaming, to another level of understanding of God. He was gonna get pruned so he could bear more fruit. So it really backfired on ol Satan.
So I see now its not about our comfort, but its about being made into the image and likeness of God.
"Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has a great reward"
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