Never Under Estimate the Power of Gratitude!

My good friend Terry was telling our prayer gp how she's just trying to look at the little thing s that she is grateful for, that was about 2 weeks ago. This morning I woke up and the "ugly one" was hanging around, whispering , as he so often does, the annoying "lispy" kind of whispers. I hate that . "So much of "you" who you are, is gone. " "lisp ,lisp, slurp" "So much of the physical that you loved so much is gone. You can't ride the motorcycle, can't cut the grass, you can't ride your horse, can't even GET to him, while the grass is long!! Can't go for runs, can't even go for a walk, like I used to. Can't get the tick crawling up my left arm!!! And the list goes on and on"...................

But...........

I have a lot to be grateful for! That I made it out of UVA hospital alive, that I made it to the door with all, well almost all my body parts intact. Nearly lost my spleen, gallbladder, my life! So my job is to center on what is now "me" and make the most of it. The new" me " is kinder, gentler, ( with out my "right hook"..) the new "me"thinks before I speak, I have to say the words in my mind first otherwise its all a jumble. I can do my garden ahhhhhhhhhhh, so satisfying. I can read!!!I can talk!! I can shop, ( despite the stares I get when I'm out, learning to cope) I can drive! 6 hp is almost as good as 1 horsepower. I can pray, even more I can hear GOD again!!! AHHHHHH I really missed Him when I first was recovering. AND I didn't even know I missed HIM. Figure that one out!

I want to know Gods purpose (s) in allowing "ugly" this much access to my life. It is a battle that I face everyday, to look beyond the flesh, beyond the outward , to the hidden place, where Gods work, His finest work is done.

I want to DO!!!

Thats right I want to DO! Just like Martha "did" things. Only difference is Martha complained the Mary didn't help her, didn't carry her weight. I'm not complaining about others....... " One thing is needful.
God has seen fit to restore many things, the other day He asked me " What have done with what I've given you?"Good question. I'd have to say I've squandered about 50% of my newly regained abilities on earthly things, selfish pursuits. If "One thing is needful " is the "gauge " then I've given the Lord 50%. He gave me a picture of myself   IF I could "do" everything I wanted to what that would look like. It wasn't pretty. Face it, spring brings the" mad woman" out in me.
Be still.... and know that HE is God.

Every now and then....

Every now and then the reality gangs up on me and hits me square in face. Usually by this time of the year my gardens are well underway, not this year. Oh I still have plans but I'm relying on others to make it happen, I HATE THAT !!!! Your breaking my heart Papa....

So I will make deal with you God. Give me the measure of the spirit, YOUR SPIRIT, the measure you have allowed "ugly" to take from me in the flesh. I will be satisfied.
Give me in the Spirit the measure of your Spirit to replace the "friends" that have gone away.....
Give me in the Spirit the measure that I sorely miss in singing praise.... give me in the Spirit the full measure of the strength that was mine, remember I WAS STRONG!! Ok I wasn't as strong as when I was 30, but at least I had 2 hands, right?

OR you can restore all these things that were mine before, but only if I can keep the measure of Your Spirit. The full measure of our deal. Does this work for you? Sign right here___________________. OR just say "Yes" That's good enough for me.

I love you Lord.

The mind, its a terrible thing to waste

When I pray my mind is like a CB scanner, it flits about, here and there, never in one place to long. So it hard to hold on to thoughts or prayers for someone. VERY frustrating. One day I asked the Lord if you going to heal anything , make it my mind , so I can stop chasing my prayers. That morning I was able to concentrate on each thing that God laid on my heart, just like old times with the Lord!! BUT different, BETTER. O Jesus, you so good to me, Thank you.

No Short cuts...

I remember back in May, I think, I said, " if I could conjure up miracle I would, I want out!!" Speaking of the trial of dealing with the ravages of being " stroked". Well Gods been working, lately I see that the stroke has done things in my life that only suffering can do. I don't know that I feel the same way. Oh I get frustrated, especially with the "one hand" deal, that's the hardest thing at this point to deal with. I'm even getting used to the stares , in the store, as I lumber along. But God has a plan.... I don't think its making me a better 3rd baseman, or a great singer, my voice is gone since the stroke, its growing my character, and that , unfortunately take drastic measures. So I'm willing to keep sipping from the cup till he forms CHRIST in me.

Yielding

There is a fine line between yielding and giving up. Somewhere God asks us to trust and rest "having done all to stand". Does that mean I can stop doing my exercising? That some way Gods going to strengthen my leg/arm? No, but their is a yielding to HIS will, His timing ,trusting Him for the results. I spent 10 or so days frustrated, angry,crying every time I came to a road block. It started with the snow fall, the leylands that I planted ,and have nursed for a number of years, were covered with snow. The branches just hung way down, and would normally go out and shake the snow of all the trees as best as I could. They were uprooted a few years ago when hurricane Isabel came through, I replanted every tree, a real labor of love, now they are my "babies" When the snow fall came I was faced with my limitations, it mad me so mad! A simple thing and I could not do it. Well the next week or so I ran into roadblock after roadblock, the simplest thing were impossible. Every now and then this raises it ugly head , and I crumble.

I was very athletic , thats putting it mildly, from running , throwing a football, baseball, kickboxing, horseback riding, diving, splitting wood, I LOVE TO SPLIT WOOD!!  I was strong!!! I took pride in my physical prowess. That was the key, pride. That thing is every where. Dressing up in a suit so you don't recognize it , but its alway the same result. death.

later...

lauging was never my problem

But it is now! I laugh every time Myles comes with a tale of woe, course it does not help how much "drama" comes with it. All he's got to do is start to tell me "how " he got hurt, and I laugh!! Am I scaring him for life, will we have to pay for counseling?? Is Obama going to tax my laughter?? MMMMM? Put a "CAP" in it. Good luck.